Adoptions FAQ

Question:

I am two months pregnant and considering adoption. Can anyone tell me about open and closed adoption and which is better for the childs sake?

Yes, children don’t belong to nym-shifting assholes.  Drop it at the nearest police station after you’ve sprogged. — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo #1557 Science doesn’t burn people at the stake for disagreeing – Vic Sagerquist

Response:

I am two months pregnant and considering adoption. Can anyone tell me about open and closed adoption and which is better for the childs sake?

This early in the situation, I’d hope adoption is only one of the options you’re considering? But good on you for starting to think about it. Some people just push it out of their minds until the last minute, and then all plans, all decisions, get made under the awful pressure of having to do something right away. I’d say the jury is out on open vs. closed adoptions. Most people think that open adoptions are better for the kid, but they can be hard on the mother, at least in the early months/ years. If you do plan on an open adoption — try to define, quite carefully, what you mean by ‘open.’ Are you thinking of visiting the child frequently? Or are you thinking of letters and photographs? In most states in the US (I am assuming you’re in the US, this may be different if not), there is no way to enforce open adoption. So, for instance, if the people who adopt a baby change their minds about letting the birth mother see the child — there’s no way to make them. Equally, if they have an arrangement that the birth mother visits, say, 4 times a year, and she suddenly decides she doesn’t want to do that any more — there’s no way to force contact either. I’m an a-mom with a closed adoption. My own personal view is that if one has an open adoption, with personal contact (visits), then it’s particularly important between the ages of about 5, say, and 20, that one should be willing to keep in touch. I think it would be very hurtful for the child if it comes to expect you to visit, perceives the birthmother as something more than just a visiting aunt, and then the birthmother cuts off contact. From what I’ve read, those breaks in contact usually happen when

there’s a life change for the birthmother (new marriage, relocation); when she finds it emotionally unbearable (though usually this is earlier on — say 0-5) to see her child as someone else’s child; or when she is disrespected (or feels she has been disrespected) by the adopting family. Whatever the reason, it can be hard on the kid. Of course, breaks can also occur when the adopting family for some reason breaks contact. That may be something uncontrollable from the birthmother’s viewpoint, and can be heartbreaking. When an open adoption goes well, I think it appears to be a good experience for all concerned. Several of the a-parents on this ng have experience with open adoptions and warm relationships. Take a look at adoption.com It’s a moderated board, but it does have quite a few discussions of experiences from every perspective. Rupa

Response:

I am two months pregnant and considering adoption. Can anyone tell me about open and closed adoption and which is better for the childs sake?

Response:

I am two months pregnant and considering adoption. Can anyone tell me about open and closed adoption and which is better for the childs sake?

I suggest you quit dreaming and get some serious counseling.  It is still early in your pregnancy.  Please be sure you take the time to think things through completely! — KL Your argument is sound, nothing but sound. -Benjamin Franklin —-== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups —-= East and West-Coast Server Farms – Total Privacy via Encryption =—-

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