Adoptions FAQ

Question:

Our humane society will allow you to take an animal on a 30 day trial. If you can’t get along with it then you return it and there is a nominal fee. I think the idea of a stuffed animal is making the assumption that the AD person is not intelligent enough to recognize the difference.

No one even SUGGESTED that the AD person be told that a stuffed toy is alive.  Just that my aunt–and many others–LIKE stuffed animals and enjoy fondling them, and that one person in particular–Evelyn’s MIL–might find playing with a stuffed animal more satisfactory than a live one.  We are talking about one particular lady’s situation here, and what is best for her and her caretaker.  I would be VERY surprised if Evelyn were even to permit her MIL to have another animal in her home.    I don’t mean to offend, but I do think you need to read more carefully before responding.  And you also need to realize that your own experience with AD is limited to the reactions of one person, whose dementia is apparently in the early stages.  Someday you may think it more important for her to have whatever comfort she can get from playing with stuffed animals, children’s picture books, or whatever works for her than to stand up for her so-called dignity as an adult by denying her those pleasures. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

Our humane society will allow you to take an animal on a 30 day trial. If you can’t get along with it then you return it and there is a nominal fee. I think the idea of a stuffed animal is making the assumption that the AD person is not intelligent enough to recognize the difference. Even with Alzheimers the person will know the difference between a live thing and a dead or non-live thing. Anyway it is the response to affection that is the essence of the therapeutic effect of an animal. As somebody pointed out the AD person does not have the reasoning capability, but they are not a child, they are an impaired adult and that is wholly different. A child has not had the time and exposure to collect a data base. An adult has a cerebral data base, and it is being steadily destroyed. What is left is still adult. I feel that to treat an adult as a child is demeaning to them even in the midst of AD. It is the difference between a blank CD and a damaged CD. Just my opinion, and others are free to believe what they want, so long as it it fits the evidence. I know if were to happen to me, I would hope that what was left of my mind would be treated with deference to the fact that it is a partial mind of an adult, not a child. Frederick

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Barbara: You could be quite right.  I wasn’t thinking about the other poor little dog, however cats do have a more independent nature.  I guess it would be a trial & error thing.  What about the Humane Society?  Would they let you take a cat home  on a trial basis?  Just a thought. I listen to Warren Eckstein every week and he is always asking people to adopt an unwanted pet. Trish Your mother in law sounds as if she has nothing to love. The dog that she had was a focus for her desire to be close to a living creature. Have you thought about getting a kitten for her. I don’t know if that would be fair to the kitten, given that the MIL was mistreating the dog, albeit unintentionally.  Perhaps some stuffed animals?  My aunt has quite a collection of them (from me) that she enjoys fondling, having in her bed, etc.  And it doesn’t matter if she carries them around all day, squeezes them, or force feeds them. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress… —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

I like Barbara’s idea and thoughts too.  They make some pretty realistic stuffed animals these days.  A kitten or a cat won’t like to be carried around all the time either.  And cats are nocturnal and they wander in the night.  So the mother will be up calling a cat all night.  In the moments she is partly awake she could feel the stuffed animal by her and think it’s her old dog. The Cranky Genee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Consistent with no cruelty" is exactly the point.   Force feeding an animal *is* cruel, as is carrying it around all day against its will. Humans coming before animals is true only if the sacrifice of the animal is necessary. Having a pet is not a necessity of life by any stretch of the imagination. Finally, considering how that woman treated her dog, I think she would be _happier_ with a stuffed one! Unlike the hypothetical kitten, it will not run away from her and it will tolerate being carried around all day quite cheerfully. And Evelyn and her family will not be kept awake all night by MIL’s calls to a live animal that does not want to stay in her bed, as the stuffed one will stay just where MIL wants it to be. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

Yup. I don’t really believe in going into a situation pretty much knowing there will be abuse of an animal "just" for company. There are alternatives. — Mare mfcolemanATTHEOLEmindspringPERIODcom alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – If you ill treat a dog they will just take it. If you ill treat a cat it will avoid you like the plague, so I think the cat can fend for itself with no trouble. I like both cats and dogs, but in life’s equation, consistent with no cruelty, the human comes first. "Consistent with no cruelty" is exactly the point.   Force feeding an animal *is* cruel, as is carrying it around all day against its will. Humans coming before animals is true only if the sacrifice of the animal is necessary. Having a pet is not a necessity of life by any stretch of the imagination. Finally, considering how that woman treated her dog, I think she would be _happier_ with a stuffed one! Unlike the hypothetical kitten, it will not run away from her and it will tolerate being carried around all day quite cheerfully. And Evelyn and her family will not be kept awake all night by MIL’s calls to a live animal that does not want to stay in her bed, as the stuffed one will stay just where MIL wants it to be. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

If you ill treat a dog they will just take it. If you ill treat a cat it will avoid you like the plague, so I think the cat can fend for itself with no trouble. I like both cats and dogs, but in life’s equation, consistent with no cruelty, the human comes first.

"Consistent with no cruelty" is exactly the point.   Force feeding an animal *is* cruel, as is carrying it around all day against its will. Humans coming before animals is true only if the sacrifice of the animal is necessary. Having a pet is not a necessity of life by any stretch of the imagination. Finally, considering how that woman treated her dog, I think she would be _happier_ with a stuffed one! Unlike the hypothetical kitten, it will not run away from her and it will tolerate being carried around all day quite cheerfully. And Evelyn and her family will not be kept awake all night by MIL’s calls to a live animal that does not want to stay in her bed, as the stuffed one will stay just where MIL wants it to be. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

I gotta go with Barbara on this one.  I really feel for Evelyn’s MIL and personally appreciate the value of pets.  But that kind of treatment amounts to torture and isn’t a real option.  Cats are certainly independent but kittens are not cats and are easily damaged.  They will also claw the sh*t outta somebody just about as effectively as a cat.  Check out toy stores.  There are stuffed animals which will vocalize when squeezed.  An infinitely preferable option to the potential damage to and by a live animal. Barbara wrote … – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Consistent with no cruelty" is exactly the point.   Force feeding an animal *is* cruel, as is carrying it around all day against its will. Humans coming before animals is true only if the sacrifice of the animal is necessary. Having a pet is not a necessity of life by any stretch of the imagination. Finally, considering how that woman treated her dog, I think she would be _happier_ with a stuffed one! Unlike the hypothetical kitten, it will not run away from her and it will tolerate being carried around all day quite cheerfully. And Evelyn and her family will not be kept awake all night by MIL’s calls to a live animal that does not want to stay in her bed, as the stuffed one will stay just where MIL wants it to be. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

Barbara, If you ill treat a dog they will just take it. If you ill treat a cat it will avoid you like the plague, so I think the cat can fend for itself with no trouble. I like both cats and dogs, but in life’s equation, consistent with no cruelty, the human comes first. Frederick

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Your mother in law sounds as if she has nothing to love. The dog that she had was a focus for her desire to be close to a living creature. Have you thought about getting a kitten for her. I don’t know if that would be fair to the kitten, given that the MIL was mistreating the dog, albeit unintentionally.  Perhaps some stuffed animals?  My aunt has quite a collection of them (from me) that she enjoys fondling, having in her bed, etc.  And it doesn’t matter if she carries them around all day, squeezes them, or force feeds them. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

Barbara: You could be quite right.  I wasn’t thinking about the other poor little dog, however cats do have a more independent nature.  I guess it would be a trial & error thing.  What about the Humane Society?  Would they let you take a cat home  on a trial basis?  Just a thought. I listen to Warren Eckstein every week and he is always asking people to adopt an unwanted pet. Trish

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Your mother in law sounds as if she has nothing to love. The dog that she had was a focus for her desire to be close to a living creature. Have you thought about getting a kitten for her. I don’t know if that would be fair to the kitten, given that the MIL was mistreating the dog, albeit unintentionally.  Perhaps some stuffed animals?  My aunt has quite a collection of them (from me) that she enjoys fondling, having in her bed, etc.  And it doesn’t matter if she carries them around all day, squeezes them, or force feeds them. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

—–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

Dear Evelyn: I have to agree with Frederick.  Animals seem to be such a comfort.  I know it seems like taking on more but in "most" cases a cat with a litter box can be quite clean and they can be very affectionate.  Of course I’m partial to dogs and I would prefer a dog but they are a lot more care, they need exercise etc.  Our dog sleeps by Murray’s bed everynight.  He used to sleep with me but as Murray is becoming more disoriented the dog seems to stick closer to him. Good Luck – You are doing a wonderful thing, sadly I know I would never have been able to take my MIL in if that would have been required. Trish

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Evelyn, Your mother in law sounds as if she has nothing to love. The dog that she had was a focus for her desire to be close to a living creature. Have you thought about getting a kitten for her. They are very clean and use their litter box, and they respond to affection. You might have to keep an eye on it’s feeding etc. but you can do that by guiding her and that is a bridge between you. It sounds like she needs something to live for.     My wife got a kitten for Christmas and it has been a great comfort to her. It even gets into bed with her and curls up close to her for the bodily warmth. For while it would do the same with me, but I think it has decided that June smells better than me. It is now about five months old and sleeps on the bed every night. It’s antics are a great source of amusement and distraction. You might find a warm creature in need of affection might work wonders and give her some focus that from the sound of things she is lacking, regardless of her mental state. A cat might bring to her some of what she got from her dog, but without the problems that the dog brought with it. Frederick Dear Friends, Last night it was my turn to be stressed out, the evening before was my husband’s.   It seems that evenings are gonna be the big problem around here.   Late afternoon and evenings we start hearing all the stuff about wanting to go home, and even getting just a little nasty at times. I comforted him the first time, then he comforted me the second. This morning I am confused, and just hoping for the best, not sure which it will be tonight. How does one deal with aggressive behavior?  Provocative comments designed to pick arguments etc.? So far it is not out of hand, but I can tell you that this was NOT a nice lady in her healthy years, and although the disease has actually caused her to forget a lot of her nastier side, it sneaks out here and there. I have no illusions about this being a piece of cake, but sometimes it is very stressful.   Evenings we always end up talking about finding a facility for her.   Mornings she is the sweetest thing and we think it will be do-able and OK till the night time comes. Regards, Evelyn

—–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

Your mother in law sounds as if she has nothing to love. The dog that she had was a focus for her desire to be close to a living creature. Have you thought about getting a kitten for her.

I don’t know if that would be fair to the kitten, given that the MIL was mistreating the dog, albeit unintentionally.  Perhaps some stuffed animals?  My aunt has quite a collection of them (from me) that she enjoys fondling, having in her bed, etc.  And it doesn’t matter if she carries them around all day, squeezes them, or force feeds them. Barbara — New posters and old, come visit http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages. A work in progress…

Response:

BTW, the melatonin did NOT work a bit.   She had me up about 6 times last night.   Dragging my a**  this morning. Just wondering…does she sleep/nap during the day?

No, but she is not very active either. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

Evelyn, Your mother in law sounds as if she has nothing to love. The dog that she had was a focus for her desire to be close to a living creature. Have you thought about getting a kitten for her. They are very clean and use their litter box, and they respond to affection. You might have to keep an eye on it’s feeding etc. but you can do that by guiding her and that is a bridge between you. It sounds like she needs something to live for.     My wife got a kitten for Christmas and it has been a great comfort to her. It even gets into bed with her and curls up close to her for the bodily warmth. For while it would do the same with me, but I think it has decided that June smells better than me. It is now about five months old and sleeps on the bed every night. It’s antics are a great source of amusement and distraction. You might find a warm creature in need of affection might work wonders and give her some focus that from the sound of things she is lacking, regardless of her mental state. A cat might bring to her some of what she got from her dog, but without the problems that the dog brought with it. Frederick

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear Friends, Last night it was my turn to be stressed out, the evening before was my husband’s.   It seems that evenings are gonna be the big problem around here.   Late afternoon and evenings we start hearing all the stuff about wanting to go home, and even getting just a little nasty at times. I comforted him the first time, then he comforted me the second. This morning I am confused, and just hoping for the best, not sure which it will be tonight. How does one deal with aggressive behavior?  Provocative comments designed to pick arguments etc.? So far it is not out of hand, but I can tell you that this was NOT a nice lady in her healthy years, and although the disease has actually caused her to forget a lot of her nastier side, it sneaks out here and there. I have no illusions about this being a piece of cake, but sometimes it is very stressful.   Evenings we always end up talking about finding a facility for her.   Mornings she is the sweetest thing and we think it will be do-able and OK till the night time comes. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

Evelyn, Have you read "The 36 Hour Day"?  IMO it should be required reading for any AD caregiver.  It really helped me. Gwen Happy memories never wear out…re-live them as often as you want. .

Response:

Evelyn, Have you read "The 36 Hour Day"?  IMO it should be required reading for any AD caregiver.  It really helped me.

Dear Gwen, It has been on my bedside table and I refer to it constantly.   Required reading for sure.    It does explain many things and has helped us deal with the whole situation.  I am finding that social situations, involving guests seem to bring out the very best in her.   Family dinner today, and she even helped by cleaning up the stove.   This was really incredible behavior as if you saw her only a short time ago, the difference in her is amazing.   Good food, lots of kindness and TLC and more social interaction have been really helpful.   We are hoping that daycare will be an available option for us. I am now having less problems dealing with her than my husband is.   The reason being that I tell her straight, give her reasons for things, never lie.   Even if she forgets what I told her, there is a conclusion in the sentence that rationalizes it.   He tends to try and brush off the hard questions, and it confuses her more.    When asked when he is taking her home, rather than saying:  "the doctor told us that you cannot stay alone anymore and your neighbors cannot take care of you anymore, so we are taking care of you because we love you."   He brushes those things off.   That would even make me mad! Today was a very good day, btw.   Ya never know! Evelyn

Response:

County Health nurse did a PRI last week, but the results have not yet arrived.   As I understand it I may be eligible for some sort of respite help.   I certainly hope so.

Evelyn, I found a day car program to be helpful — they kept my Mom busy enough during the day there that she didn’t have time to obsess about all the things that upset her, like not being able to drive or be at home alone. If there is one in your area, you should check it out, maybe take her there for a visit for a few hours.  Some of them even provide van service or work with a local para-transit organization (in our case, they’re both run by a church social service organization). Another advantage, too — if you tell the day care folks that she doesn’t go to sleep well, they’ll often cooperate and not let her sleep during the day by keeping her stimulated, so that she’ll be tired at bedtime.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – County Health nurse did a PRI last week, but the results have not yet arrived.   As I understand it I may be eligible for some sort of respite help.   I certainly hope so. Evelyn, I found a day car program to be helpful — they kept my Mom busy enough during the day there that she didn’t have time to obsess about all the things that upset her, like not being able to drive or be at home alone. If there is one in your area, you should check it out, maybe take her there for a visit for a few hours.  Some of them even provide van service or work with a local para-transit organization (in our case, they’re both run by a church social service organization). Another advantage, too — if you tell the day care folks that she doesn’t go to sleep well, they’ll often cooperate and not let her sleep during the day by keeping her stimulated, so that she’ll be tired at bedtime.

Dear Dennis, Based on some of the stuff I have been reading lately, we gave her a 3mg melatonin tonight.   I used it for a long time myself, and it is only effective in the dark, light neutralizes it.   So hopefully it will help a bit.   We just changed her Aricept from 5 to 10 on Dr’s newest evaluation, so that could be what had her up so much last evening. Thanks, Evelyn

Response:

How does one deal with aggressive behavior?  Provocative comments designed to pick arguments etc.?

In our experience it’s an exercise in futility to attempt to argue or reason with an AD victim. When Rose gets agitated we just let her go and we agree with whatever she says…it’s hard to accept that this is best but anything else we’ve tried only results in further agitation. — pianoguy return email disabled

Response:

Those nice days, when they do come along, are much appreciated, aren’t they? Gives you a chance to catch your breath for the next long haul. Gwen Happy memories never wear out…re-live them as often as you want. .

Response:

How does one deal with aggressive behavior?  Provocative comments designed to pick arguments etc.? In our experience it’s an exercise in futility to attempt to argue or reason with an AD victim. When Rose gets agitated we just let her go and we agree with whatever she says…it’s hard to accept that this is best but anything else we’ve tried only results in further agitation.

I am learning this…. slowly. BTW, the melatonin did NOT work a bit.   She had me up about 6 times last night.   Dragging my a**  this morning. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

Those nice days, when they do come along, are much appreciated, aren’t they? Gives you a chance to catch your breath for the next long haul.

Dear Gwen, The great day ended up being followed by a beastly night.   Oh well….:-) Regards, Evelyn

Response:

BTW, the melatonin did NOT work a bit.   She had me up about 6 times last night.   Dragging my a**  this morning.

Just wondering…does she sleep/nap during the day? — pianoguy return email disabled

Response:

Evelyn – Is it possible to have someone come in for an hour or two to put mommy to bed while you and your husband go out for a coffee and chat?  Might do a lot to preserve your sanity. M.

Response:

Evelyn – Is it possible to have someone come in for an hour or two to put mommy to bed while you and your husband go out for a coffee and chat?  Might do a lot to preserve your sanity. M.

Dear M. It is still all very new, both to her and to us.   We sort of "rescued" her because she was filthy, unfed, living in squalor and confusion, and lots of other problem stuff. We took her here and are trying to get things in some kind of order.   She doesn’t realize that she can never go home again.   She doesn’t even remember that the pets that had to be put down are gone.   She asks to go home every 5 minutes and on the 4 minutes in between she asks over and over where is the dog etc.  We explain over and over gently.   We know it is not her fault. I have hired someone to help out so I don’t lose my job, since my husband works nights and I work only a couple of mornings a week, the person I hired will come in those two mornings till he wakes up and takes over from her. I have feelers out about getting more help, but nothing firm just yet. County Health nurse did a PRI last week, but the results have not yet arrived.   As I understand it I may be eligible for some sort of respite help.   I certainly hope so. The roaming around in the evening is difficult, but Dr. does not want to give her anything to help her sleep more soundly because he thinks it will conflict with all the other medications she is on and worsen the AZ symptoms.   Husband has been on vacation all week, and has to return to work tonite.   I am ready to tell the Dr. that I don’t care at this point, we need to have some quiet at night. Just now she has a fork in her hand and is going around digging in all my plants (?). She "washes" the fork by just rinsing off the dirt and sticks it back in the drawer…. We need eyes in back of our heads!   We now check every cup and utensil to see if it has received this sort of wash up.  (smiling) Best Regards, Evelyn

Response:

Hi Evelyn: I know exactly what you are talking about.  I always call it sundowning.  My husband usually becomes more confused and harder to get along with late in the day.  He usually goes to bed very early so that at least is a break.  I sure understand about the stress.  I can’t really give you any good advice but know that you are not alone.  I become so stressed at times I don’t think I can face another day. It’s easy to say just ignore the behavour and remarks because it is just the disease but at the time it is hard to bear. Just come and vent here anytime as there is always someone else going thru the same thing and will try and give you comfort. I think this group has helped me keep my sanity over the past 1 1/2 years as I can read about someone else’s problems and know that I am not alone. Trish

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear Friends, Last night it was my turn to be stressed out, the evening before was my husband’s.   It seems that evenings are gonna be the big problem around here.   Late afternoon and evenings we start hearing all the stuff about wanting to go home, and even getting just a little nasty at times. I comforted him the first time, then he comforted me the second.   This morning I am confused, and just hoping for the best, not sure which it will be tonight. How does one deal with aggressive behavior?  Provocative comments designed to pick arguments etc.? So far it is not out of hand, but I can tell you that this was NOT a nice lady in her healthy years, and although the disease has actually caused her to forget a lot of her nastier side, it sneaks out here and there. I have no illusions about this being a piece of cake, but sometimes it is very stressful.   Evenings we always end up talking about finding a facility for her.   Mornings she is the sweetest thing and we think it will be do-able and OK till the night time comes. Regards, Evelyn

—–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–

Response:

Dear Friends, Last night it was my turn to be stressed out, the evening before was my husband’s.   It seems that evenings are gonna be the big problem around here.   Late afternoon and evenings we start hearing all the stuff about wanting to go home, and even getting just a little nasty at times. I comforted him the first time, then he comforted me the second.   This morning I am confused, and just hoping for the best, not sure which it will be tonight. How does one deal with aggressive behavior?  Provocative comments designed to pick arguments etc.? So far it is not out of hand, but I can tell you that this was NOT a nice lady in her healthy years, and although the disease has actually caused her to forget a lot of her nastier side, it sneaks out here and there. I have no illusions about this being a piece of cake, but sometimes it is very stressful.   Evenings we always end up talking about finding a facility for her.   Mornings she is the sweetest thing and we think it will be do-able and OK till the night time comes. Regards, Evelyn

Response: